What have I done to my turkish husband?

The other day somebody posted a link to this article in Indonesian wives to Turkish husbands group page on Facebook:
What have we done to Turkish men?

When I first read it, I just skimmed it and tried not to take the article seriously. To me, love works in a mysterious way and marriage is something sacred, something that you could not (and should not) relate to race and nationality. For instance, I chose Pak Raden as a husband not because he is a Turkish. Never once crossed my mind to have a foreign husband, but love is love... fate is fate. You can't help it.

FYI, that article had a look at 'why Turkish men like to marry foreign women in general and Syrian women in particular'. To me, the case of Syrians bride is something else. You can't compare and analyse it with other Turkish men-yabanci (foreign) brides marriages. They are refugees, they are almost everywhere in Turkey these days (not only in bordering towns but of course you could easily meet them over there), the reasons are long but I prefer not to list them here because they are sad and tragic. Let us say they were married because of love and God's will, okay? And Syrian girls are Masha Allah beautiful, at least the ones that I've seen in Aleppo.  Once I teased my husband that if he went to Syria before New Zealand probably he would end up with a Syrian wife instead of an Indonesian... but again, love is love and fate is fate... Pak Raden went to New Zealand but when he came back to Turkey he brought an Indonesian wife instead of a Kiwi wife :)

Tonight, I re-read the article again, loudly so my husband could hear it too. We analysed it, had a good laugh together. I think the writer had good points in some of her arguments. 

"Foreign women are pretty; they appear mysterious because they are foreign; they provoke the desire to fight and conquer in Turkish men" (a lot of YES YES YES from him, ha ha!)

Another point: "is that foreign wives and girlfriends have no clue who the Turkish husband really is. The language barrier and cultural differences are perfect for hiding one’s real identity, and any jerk can pass for a fairly decent guy." I have to agree on that one. It doesn't have to be negative tough... Yes I heard that some jerks successfully nailed naive girls as wives because of language barrier and (dis)advantage of internet dating. Apart from those jerks, there are many many good Turkish men. But, it is true that many foreign girlfriends have no clue who their future husband really is. They naively think that their boyfriends are the real BULE, hollywood stars come straight out from their TV... they think Turkey is very modern westernised country. Oh yes Turkey is modern... but they have no idea how traditional that modern Turkey can be, what are responsibilities and expectations come from in laws and society to yabanci brides.

"Turkish girls are high maintenance; foreign girls do not demand that much" Oh well, we can't say much about this point, what can I say... my mother in law is far from high maintenance, and I think both my sister in laws aren't either. So I'll pass ;)

"Turkish men like slave-wives". Who doesn't like? I'd love to have a slave husband :D Once I proposed to my husband if he expected me to entertain his friends from work & their family for dinner, in return he should be my slave for a week (but Dilara said if daddy would become mummy's slave then mummy should give him a million dollar, I tried to tell her if I should pay him then it is not slavery anymore but still she insisted. Daddy's girl!).

"Turkish men now marry Syrian women because they do not talk back to their husbands. Plus they are loyal and obedient" When I asked my husband, 'do I talk back?' his response was 'what? you don't even let me talk!' LOL
Another article, A Syrian bride's tale had a say in this matter: "because trust me, once they learn to speak Turkish they talk up a storm, at least the ones I know!" LOL! I am with you, sister!

Anyways... We both didn't take these things seriously. Pak Raden thought it was just a woman thing, being NYINYIR (he would think the same if he learned that I wrote a lengthy blog post about this :p). 

When I finished reading it to him, he said, 'Yana, why can't you being subdued... wash my feet and all...?' 'I would do it, really... because I love you and if you need my help, I would do it for love not because as an act of subduing. Why? Why women have to be obedient... we should be equal in marriage life'
'Really? Do you love me? I don't know about that...'
'I do... I really do. I washed you when you were sick, remember? after the surgery?'
'I don't know... you raise your voice to me all the time...'
'Oh... that... I do that so you can be obedient to me'
LOL

Happy belated 8 years anniversary!